9 Telling Traits of Alpha Males in Relationships & How to Cope (2024)

The alpha male personality can be rather attractive, but you may encounter roadblocks with an alpha husband or boyfriend throughout a long-term relationship. The same traits that attract you to your alpha partner may create frustration if you do not know how to handle them.

Learning how to deal with alpha males in relationships can help you develop a greater understanding of this personality type, as well as how to make the most of your relationship.

Who is an alpha male?

The first step in learning how to deal with an alpha male in a relationship is to recognize what is an alpha male.

So, what is the alpha male definition?

Typically, the alpha male is depicted as a top-ranking man within his social circle. He is competitive, and he dominates over other men. When compared to others in the social hierarchy, the alpha male is more powerful, wealthier, and better at winning over women.

The alpha male is in contrast to the beta male, who is seen as weaker and more submissive.

Some of what we know about alpha male qualities comes from animal research. For example, a study with chimpanzees found that male chimpanzees become highly competitive with each other when around female chimpanzees.

When around females, levels of the stress hormone cortisol increased among all chimpanzees in the study, but the alpha males in the group showed the highest increase in cortisol, suggesting that they become especially competitive in the presence of females.

Findings like these reinforce the stereotype of the dominant, competitive alpha male.

9 characteristics of an alpha male

The concept of an “alpha male” is subjective and can vary depending on cultural, societal, and personal perspectives.

Additionally, the idea of alpha males has been criticized for promoting harmful stereotypes and rigid gender roles. It’s important to recognize that individuals are complex, and traits associated with an “alpha male” may not apply universally.

Nevertheless, there are some key alpha male traits that can help you identify if your man falls into this category:

1. Confidence

Confidence, a hallmark of an alpha male, manifests as unwavering self-belief in their abilities and decisions.

For example, imagine a project leader confidently presenting a challenging strategy to their team, reassuring everyone that success is achievable. This confidence not only inspires trust in their leadership but also encourages team members to rally behind the plan, fostering a positive and motivated work environment.

Confidence is the foundation upon which other alpha male characteristics, like leadership and assertiveness, are often built.

2. Leadership skills

Alpha males in relationships are often seen as natural leaders who can take charge of situations and make decisions confidently.

In a corporate setting, an alpha male might be the manager who, during a crisis, takes immediate control, assigns tasks, and provides clear guidance to the team. Their confident leadership style helps the team stay focused and productive, instilling a sense of trust and direction among colleagues.

This leadership quality is not limited to males and can be found in individuals of any gender who exhibit strong leadership skills.

3. Regulation of emotions

Emotional intelligence in the context of an “alpha male” refers to their ability to understand and manage emotions effectively.

For example, an alpha male may be assertive in a professional setting but also display empathy and sensitivity when dealing with colleagues’ concerns. They can read social cues, adapt their communication style to different situations, and maintain composure in high-pressure scenarios.

The emotional intelligence in alpha males enables them to navigate complex social dynamics with finesse, building stronger relationships and earning the respect and trust of others.

4. Assertiveness

One of the traits of an alpha male in a relationship is that he will be unafraid to voice their opinions and desires firmly, advocating for themselves without being overly aggressive.

For example, in a team meeting, an alpha male might confidently express their perspective on a project’s direction, emphasizing the importance of their ideas while still respecting the input of others. Their assertiveness allows them to contribute effectively to discussions and decision-making without dominating or dismissing others’ viewpoints.

5. Innate charisma

Charisma, often associated with an alpha male, is the compelling and magnetic quality that attracts others. It’s an aura of charm and confidence that makes people want to be around them.

For example, a charismatic leader can inspire and motivate their team effortlessly, even in challenging situations. They possess the ability to engage and captivate an audience during a speech or presentation, leaving a lasting impact.

Charisma enables them to establish strong connections, gain trust, and influence others positively, making it a potent social asset.

6. Physical fitness

Physical fitness is often associated with alpha males, as they prioritize maintaining good health and a strong physique. They recognize the importance of regular exercise and a healthy lifestyle.

For example, an alpha male might engage in a rigorous workout routine and maintain a balanced diet to stay in peak physical condition.

The commitment of alpha males in relationships to fitness not only reflects their discipline but also signals vitality and a dedication to self-improvement, which can be attractive to others and enhance their overall confidence and well-being.

7. Courage

Courage, a key trait that is undeniably linked to the alpha male meaning in relationships, refers to the willingness to face fear or adversity head-on.

For instance, imagine someone standing up to a workplace bully despite potential repercussions, exemplifying courage. Alpha males often exhibit this trait in various life situations, from confronting personal challenges to taking calculated risks in their professional lives, demonstrating their determination to overcome obstacles and achieve their goals.

The courage of alpha males can inspire and motivate others, making them natural leaders in challenging circ*mstances.

8. Ambition

Ambition refers to the strong desire and determination an alpha male typically possesses to achieve their goals. They exhibit unwavering commitment and often go above and beyond to succeed.

For example, a successful entrepreneur who starts a company from scratch and works tirelessly to make it a global brand displays ambition.

Alpha males consistently seek opportunities for growth, take calculated risks, and persevere through challenges, reflecting their determination to achieve their business objectives. This ambition is a driving force that propels them toward success.

9. Superior social skills

Social skills refer to an alpha male’s ability to navigate social situations adeptly. They excel in communication and networking, often making them natural leaders.

For example, in a professional setting, an alpha male might effortlessly engage in small talk at a conference, building connections and fostering partnerships. Their social finesse allows them to create a positive and influential presence, which can be advantageous in various social and professional contexts.

What do alpha males want in a relationship?

Alpha males, like anyone else, seek fulfillment and happiness in their relationships. They often desire a partner who respects their independence and ambitions, recognizing their need for personal space and individual pursuits.

Communication is crucial to alpha males in relationships as they appreciate open and honest conversations that allow them to express their thoughts and feelings without judgment. They value a supportive partner who encourages their goals and shares their enthusiasm for personal growth.

Trust and loyalty are paramount, and they want a relationship where both parties are committed and faithful.

Ultimately, alpha males in relationships seek a harmonious partnership that complements their strengths and provides emotional support while respecting their individuality.

13 ways to deal with alpha males in relationships

Alpha males and alpha females in relationships can be attractive and charming, as they come across as confident and will passionately pursue someone who interests them.

On the other hand, alpha male behavior in relationships can also present challenges, as the alpha personality can sometimes appear intimidating or even cold.

Remember that relationships are a two-way street, and both partners need to contribute to their success. Alpha males, like anyone else, can have varying personalities and communication styles, so it’s important to approach the relationship with empathy and a willingness to work together to make it healthy and fulfilling for both parties.

However, alpha male relationship psychology provides guidelines for how to cope when you love an alpha male. Consider the following advice when married to or dating an alpha male:

1. Respect differences

Respecting differences in communication styles and priorities is essential when dealing with an alpha male in a relationship.

For example, if one partner values directness and assertiveness in communication while the other prefers a more passive and empathetic approach, acknowledging these differences is crucial.

Instead of expecting the alpha male to always soften their communication style, both partners can learn to appreciate and adapt to each other’s preferences, fostering a more harmonious and understanding relationship that respects each person’s unique way of expressing themselves.

2. Openly communicate

Effective communication with an alpha male in a relationship entails openly and honestly expressing your thoughts and feelings.

For instance, if you feel overlooked in decision-making, calmly communicate your desire for more involvement.

Use “I” statements to convey your emotions, such as “I feel valued when we make decisions together.” This approach fosters understanding and encourages your partner to reciprocate, creating a more equitable and harmonious relationship where both perspectives are considered and respected.

3. Set clear boundaries

Setting clear boundaries is essential in a relationship with an alpha male to ensure both parties’ needs and expectations are respected.

For instance, if an alpha male tends to dominate conversations, you can establish a boundary by saying, “I appreciate your input, but I’d like an equal chance to express my thoughts without interruption.” This communicates your need for fair communication without criticizing their behavior.

Boundaries help create a balanced and respectful dynamic, fostering a healthier relationship for both partners.

4. Share responsibilities

In a relationship with an alpha male, it’s crucial to distribute responsibilities and decision-making fairly. This ensures that one partner doesn’t dominate all decisions or tasks.

For instance, if the alpha male takes charge of finances, the other partner could manage household chores or be responsible for planning social activities.

A balanced approach in a relationship fosters a sense of equality and prevents one partner from feeling overwhelmed or unheard, promoting harmony in the relationship. It’s about finding a division of responsibilities that suits both partners’ strengths and preferences.

5. Actively listen

Active listening in dealing with alpha males means not just hearing their words but also understanding their underlying feelings and perspectives.

For instance, if your partner, who has alpha traits, expresses frustration about work, don’t just acknowledge their words; try to understand their deeper emotions and motivations.

You might respond to your alpha partner with empathy, saying something like, “It sounds like work has been really challenging lately. How can I support you through this?” This approach fosters better communication and helps build a stronger emotional connection, even when addressing sensitive topics.

6. Maintain your independence

Maintaining independence in a relationship means preserving your individuality and personal interests. For example, if your partner is an alpha male who is highly career-oriented, ensure you continue pursuing your own passions and hobbies outside the relationship.

Maintaining your independence can include maintaining friendships, engaging in hobbies, or pursuing career goals. By doing so, you both have the space to grow as individuals and avoid becoming overly dependent on each other, which can lead to a healthier and more balanced partnership.

7. Agree on a compromise

Compromise is essential for maintaining a harmonious relationship with an alpha male. It means finding a middle ground and making concessions to resolve disagreements or conflicts.

For example, if you both have different preferences for a vacation destination, a compromise might involve choosing a location that combines elements of both your preferences or taking turns to select the destination for different trips.

Compromise ensures that both partners feel heard and valued, fostering a balanced and mutually satisfying relationship.

8. Get used to being direct

Alpha males in relationships aren’t particularly emotional creatures, and they don’t have time to pick up on hints or read between the lines. If you need something from them, state it directly. An alpha male will appreciate your confidence and assertiveness.

In the video below, Susan Winter talks about why it is important to have direct communication with your partner to assert your strong, confident side.

9. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself

While the alpha male knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to be dominant, he will appreciate a partner who can stand up to him. If you aren’t getting what you need or you feel you’re being bullied by your partner, by all means, hold him accountable.

There is a misconception that alpha men like weak, submissive women, but they will actually be attracted to a woman who can hold her ground.

10. Practice self-care

If you are becoming frustrated with your alpha husband or boyfriend, take time for self-care. Meditate, exercise, or spend time doing something you enjoy. This can put you in a better mindset to deal with stress or conflict within the relationship.

11. Pursue your interests

Not only will having your interests keep your alpha male partner intrigued by you, but it also gives you your outlet.

If you feel your alpha partner always dominates conversations or takes the role of leader, it can be helpful to have your outlets or things you do just for you.

12. Acknowledge strengths

You can also acknowledge and appreciate an alpha male’s strengths and achievements.

For instance, if your partner is an alpha male who excels in their career, express your admiration and pride in their accomplishments. Celebrate their milestones, whether it’s a promotion or a personal achievement.

By recognizing and valuing their strengths, you foster a supportive and positive atmosphere in the relationship, which can strengthen the bond and build mutual respect and appreciation.

13. Seek professional help

Seeking professional help can be vital when communication breakdowns persist in a relationship with an alpha male. A trained therapist or counselor can facilitate productive conversations, provide insights into underlying issues, and offer tools for better communication.

For instance, if an alpha male’s dominant communication style clashes with their partner’s, a therapist can help them both understand and adapt to each other’s needs. This external perspective can be a valuable resource for couples struggling to resolve conflicts and improve their relationship dynamics.

While the above tips help you learn how to handle an alpha male in a relationship, remember that alpha male traits in relationships do not excuse abusive behavior.

For example, you should not allow the alpha male to manipulate you into giving him all the control or allowing him to make all the decisions. You deserve to stand up for yourself and have a say in the relationship.

An alpha male may throw tantrums or engage in verbal insults to get his way. You should never allow this behavior. An alpha male who respects you will allow you to have a voice and will not resort to emotionally abusive behavior to get his way.

Watch this video to learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy love:

Commonly asked questions

The concept of alpha males has generated considerable interest and debate. Let’s explore some questions often associated with alpha males:

• What makes alpha males fall in love?

The alpha male may not be particularly emotional, but you can count on him to be a dependable partner.

This is how he expresses love. You can expect him to rise to the challenge when things get tough, and he will support you in all of your goals.

Sometimes, people have a misconception that alpha males in relationships are cheaters or need multiple women to be happy, but this isn’t the case. When a woman captures an alpha male’s attention with her drive, motivation, and intelligence, he will be devoted to her.

The alpha male finds loyalty to be very attractive. Because he is so direct, if a relationship doesn’t work for him, he will end it instead of becoming unfaithful. He will expect you to be loyal as well.

• Do alpha males cheat?

Cheating is a complex behavior influenced by various factors, including personality traits. While not all alpha males cheat, some may be more inclined to do so due to their confidence and charisma, which can attract attention from potential partners.

However, it’s crucial to remember that cheating is a matter of individual ethics and cannot be generalized to all individuals with alpha characteristics.

While being an alpha male is often associated with having success in impressing women, studies show that women are more attracted to kindness and altruism, as opposed to dominance and confidence.

• Are alpha males narcissists?

Alpha males may exhibit some narcissistic traits, such as self-confidence and assertiveness. However, not all alpha males are narcissists, and not all narcissists are alpha males.

Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by an excessive need for admiration and a lack of empathy, while alpha traits encompass a broader range of confident and assertive behaviors. It’s essential to differentiate between these concepts and avoid generalizations.

The bottom line

A relationship with an alpha male can be quite rewarding. These men are dominant, confident, and loyal to their partners.

However, they may come across as arrogant or insensitive. Knowing how to be with an alpha male in a relationship is important for keeping the peace. By not taking his behavior personally and committing to support him in his goals, you can keep the attention of your alpha male.

It is also helpful to pursue your interests, get comfortable with standing up for yourself, and challenge yourself to set and achieve new goals.

Ultimately, the alpha male in your life will appreciate you for being driven, witty, and engaging. You will reap the rewards of being in a relationship with such a loyal, intense partner.